


Emotions? Complicated.

by Aainiouu



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Confusing Emotions, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Season/Series 04, Season/Series 05, Spoilers for Episode: s05e01, communication problems, hurt!clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-02
Updated: 2018-05-02
Packaged: 2019-05-01 09:28:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14517474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aainiouu/pseuds/Aainiouu
Summary: Clarke wakes up gasping for air, her vision blurred, everything aching and even the air flowing to her lungs hurting. Her hand immediately flies to her hip, looking for a knife she keeps there, but instead of finding her belt, someone’s hand finds hers.Basically just Bellamy and Clarke being bad at feelings.





	Emotions? Complicated.

**Author's Note:**

> This is just basically Clarke and Bellamy being bad at feelings and I don't even know where this came from sooo...
> 
> I hope you still like it!
> 
> There are some very vague mentions of becho (but in my head this happens some time after becho) and Clarke's struggles before finding Eden (but nothing explicit)

Clarke wakes up gasping for air, her vision blurred, everything aching and even the air flowing to her lungs hurting. Her hand immediately flies to her hip, looking for a knife she keeps there, but instead of finding her belt, someone’s hand finds hers.

“Clarke. Calm down. You’re safe,” a voice says but Clarke is not having it. She wrenches her hand away from the grip and starts to move away only to find out that she has been restrained by her legs to whatever hard surface she’s lying on. 

“Clarke, please!” the voice says again and this time Clarke forces herself to focus and little by little her vision comes back. It’s Bellamy, the voice belongs to Bellamy. She lies back down, puts her arm over her eyes and tries to calm down. She is still breathing little fast, but when she feels that she can trust her voice again she swallows. 

“Can you untie me?” She says and then she feels careful hands working on whatever is tying her legs to the table. 

“You need to stay still. You have a concussion and a row of stitches on your leg.” Bellamy says, his voice rough and everything comes back to her; the sinkhole hidden in the sand, trying to get everyone safe, but falling in herself when the ground gave out under them.

“Is everyone else okay?” she turns her head to see Bellamy’s reaction. Their relationship might not be what is used to be, but she still thinks that she can see, if Bellamy is lying just for her sake. 

“Yeah, you pushed everyone out of the way before they could fall in,” his jaw and voice are tight, but he doesn’t seem to be lying. 

“Good,” she says and when she feels that Bellamy has removed the ropes around her legs, she sits up. “Now, if you’ll excuse me I have something I need to do.”  
She doesn’t, but she also cannot spend any more time with Bellamy looking at her with such concern and something… else, something like disappointment or anger or… something. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? Your mother and Jackson left me instructions not to allow you to stand up for any reason and I’m going to follow those instructions to the letter.” Now Bellamy sounds frustrated and this is the Bellamy Clarke knows how to deal with. She waves his hand away and swings her legs over one side; the one which doesn’t have Bellamy.

“Where are they anyway?” She asks, looking for her shoes. Clarke doesn’t want to step out and face the scorching midday beaten sand under her bare feet. She finds them and starts tugging them on.

“They were needed elsewhere and I volunteered to- Clarke!” Bellamy comes round to the other side when Clarke gingerly takes a step on her injured leg and grabs her elbow to support her. 

“It’s fine, Bellamy. I’ve had worse,” she glances down on her bare leg where her pants are tugged up to reveal a long, nasty looking scar with black blood marring the sides. She grimaces. She knows that it is stupid to move, but she can’t just lie around. She needs to find Madi and needs to escape Bellamy. 

They have been fighting so much recently and her heart still aches every time she sees the easy, comfortable affection between the members of the spacekru. She is bigger person than that, but in her comfort and she is not going to cry. Not now, not with her heart yearning to accept the comfort, not with this war going on, and not with Bellamy and Echo being… whatever they are now after the things that have been happening, she doesn’t really know. But what she does know is that she and Bellamy are too complicated to exist right now and that their new found partnership is too fragile for any sort of emotional talk. There is simply no time for it. 

“You. You are not going anywhere.”

“I can take care of myself Bellamy. I’ve been taking care of myself and Madi for six years, I’m not going to suddenly fail,” Clarke tries to be funny but she can see that Bellamy isn’t taking it as a joke. He flinches and his scowl deepens to a point that Clarke expects him to say something, but he stays silent, only barely tightens his grip on her elbow. Then Clarke suddenly realizes what she said and sighs, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that, it’s just… I’m not used to… this anymore. It was either… taking care of myself and Madi or dying and I… I don’t know how to take anything from anyone.”

Clarke sits back down and she lets out a deep sigh. 

“You don’t need to be sorry. It’s true isn’t it?” Bellamy rasps and he sits down beside her. Clarke’s heart constricts and she wants to reach out and take his hand, but she doesn’t know if she’s capable. 

“It’s not your fault, Bellamy. I never blamed you, any of you. I’m just—I’m just a little bit of a mess, okay? I need some time to learn how to be around people, how to trust again.” Clarke says and glances at Bellamy who is just staring at his hands. 

“It was so hard for me, thinking that you were dead, thinking that because of the things I did, that you… burned. And when I saw you again… I think that I have not ever been as happy as I was then. But I never realized that even though you were alive, I still…”

“Bellamy, stop. You’re not taking blame on any of this. I have never been mad at you for this, but if you ever, EVER, blame yourself for anything that happened to me, we are going to have a problem. If you need me to forgive you, I will, but only thing I have ever been mad at is the sucky circumstances we were in. Even when I was going to—“ Clarke stops there. Bellamy doesn’t need to know, not now and not ever.

“What? What were you going to? No, Clarke… Oh my god.” Bellamy’s voice cracks and now Clarke reaches out and turns his head so that he is looking at her.

“I’m here Bellamy. That is all that matters. And now that you… all are here too we will… We will be okay in time. Let’s just get this mess over with and then we can… try to live.” Clarke says and watches Bellamy close his eyes and breathe out. She can feel his breath on her face when she realizes how close they are and removes her hand from his cheek, quickly, because it is too much, too close. 

Bellamy seems to startle too and he opens his eyes, but Clarke looks away before he can catch her stare. She can feel her cheeks reddening and hopes desperately that she could walk away. Her breath is uneven and she feels like crying and she doesn’t know why. 

“Clarke…”

“I’m tired. Sorry. Could you… Could you get me some water? If there is any to spare?” She asks in an attempt to escape the situation. Bellamy frowns and the all familiar muscle in his jaw jumps. 

“Are you okay?” Bellamy asks and Clarke can tell that he wants to say something more, but stops himself. A voice in Clarke’s head is screaming to tell him everything, all the jumbled words in her head, all the past and present feelings and the chaos in her head, but she doesn’t, just nods and looks at her hands. 

“I wasn’t lying when I said that I’ve had worse, Bellamy. I think I just need to get used to these life-threatening situations again.”

“Please, don’t.” Bellamy says, again more capable of saying what is on his mind than her, “because every time I think I might lose you again I feel like I’m drowning, like I’m the one who is dying.” 

And with that, Bellamy leaves the tent with a one last look at her full of something heavy, something that could destroy her and save her at the same time, something so scary that Clarke looks down again. She lies down on her side and positions her leg so that the stitches cannot catch on anything. Then she cries, silently, but once the tears start they do not end and it doesn’t take long to fall asleep, not with the exhaustion pulling her under.

…

When Bellamy comes back with the water he finds Clarke fast asleep. He stares at her, because, god, how can he not? She seems so peaceful, so relaxed and after the heart attack he almost had when he saw Clarke falling to the pit, the view is too calming to ignore. 

He walks closer and puts the cup down on the ground so that Clarke can find it when she wakes up. He reaches out and tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear so that it doesn’t bother her and wake her up. He can’t help but smile when Clarke scrunches her nose and mumbles something in her sleep. An unknown emotion rises to his throat, but he forces it down. Clarke is right. They need to get this mess over with and then they can try to live and solve the situation that is quite frankly slowly torturing him. 

Clarke is so close, but at the same time so damn far. They still work well together, there is nothing to it, but Bellamy is in his nature a very impatient person and he wants to have Clarke truly back, without this invisible wall between them. 

He sheds himself of his coat and places it gently over the girl sleeping in front of him. He rubs his eyes and goes to find Madi to tell her that Clarke is okay and that they need to wake her up every half an hour. 

The silence is too much for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry about the mistakes. It is unbetaed and English is not my first language :)
> 
> Come talk to me in Tumblr! I'm there under the same name, silently screaming and waiting for bellarke content


End file.
